Author Archives: Patrick

Hello Again Again

This time it will stick. I am sure. I hope. One of my Lenten observations this year is not bury my talents (see Matthew 25:14-30). This post is kind of a re-introduction and a first step on my journey to do better, and be better.

It is important to me to tell you a few things about what this blog isn’t, as I think that helps to define it as much as what it is. This will help you discern whether you want to stick around for the ride or if you want to close this window now and be done with it. No hard feelings either way, I assure you.

This blog is going to be a lot of reflections and thoughts, mostly, with the occasionally self-indulgent pitch for something. While I am restarting this during a deeply important time for my Catholic faith it isn’t going to be a Catholic blog, although there will clearly be posts from me as a Catholic exploring ideas, talking, seeking, it isn’t going to be the main focus. There will also be posts about my kids, my miniatures wargaming hobby, my writing, and my daily struggles as an individual with ADHD. And while the previous sentence was entirely my my my and me me me there may even occasionally be posts about something other than me.

So, I’ve talked about the “why now” so what about the “why at all?” As I mentioned at the opening, one of my observations is to not bury my talent. I have been struggling with writing for the last couple of years (a future post will delve deeper into this) but ultimately, one of my talents is writing. And out of many fears and much indecision and second-guessing myself I have buried this talent to keep it safe, rather than growing it as it was entrusted to me to do. I firmly believe that all writers must write daily. I used to be very good at it, I am not now for any number of excuses (and you know what they say about excuses). My Lenten Intention around this is to post daily. This is me digging up the coin, you might say. I’m sure I will miss the mark, but I’ll keep trying.

I’m setting this up to auto-share on my social media as a way of reaching out to my family and friends both real and virtual and inviting them to go with me on this journey, but I am fasting from Facebook for Lent. I mention these two facts because I want to set the expectation of someone who sees this on Facebook and then leaves a comment and is disappointed or hurt that I didn’t respond to them. Likewise, I am blessed to have friends from a wide variety of faiths and across the political spectrum. It seems to me that comments are the modern equivalent of the Coliseum and I implore you, though you have the best intentions, please don’t fight amongst each other in the comments.

Finally, no doubt someone(s) out there is saying “Matthew 6:5, bro, don’t tell us about your fasting and prayer. Go into a closet and shut the door”. My response beyond what I have already stated above is that ultimately this is for me, this blog is my closet and my journey. 

 

(sorry if this double posted, I am trying to fix something)

Hello Again for the first Time

This time it will stick. I am sure. I hope. One of my Lenten observations this year is not bury my talents (see Matthew 25:14-30). This post is kind of a re-introduction and a first step on my journey to do better, and be better.

It is important to me to tell you a few things about what this blog isn’t, as I think that helps to define it as much as what it is. This will help you discern whether you want to stick around for the ride or if you want to close this window now and be done with it. No hard feelings either way, I assure you.

This blog is going to be a lot of reflections and thoughts, mostly, with the occasionally self-indulgent pitch for something. While I am restarting this during a deeply important time for my Catholic faith it isn’t going to be a Catholic blog, although there will clearly be posts from me as a Catholic exploring ideas, talking, seeking, it isn’t going to be the main focus. There will also be posts about my kids, my miniatures wargaming hobby, my writing, and my daily struggles as an individual with ADHD. And while the previous sentence was entirely my my my and me me me there may even occasionally be posts about something other than me.

So, I’ve talked about the “why now” so what about the “why at all?” As I mentioned at the opening, one of my observations is to not bury my talent. I have been struggling with writing for the last couple of years (a future post will delve deeper into this) but ultimately, one of my talents is writing. And out of many fears and much indecision and second-guessing myself I have buried this talent to keep it safe, rather than growing it as it was entrusted to me to do. I firmly believe that all writers must write daily. I used to be very good at it, I am not now for any number of excuses (and you know what they say about excuses). My Lenten Intention around this is to post daily. This is me digging up the coin, you might say. I’m sure I will miss the mark, but I’ll keep trying.

I’m setting this up to auto-share on my social media as a way of reaching out to my family and friends both real and virtual and inviting them to go with me on this journey, but I am fasting from Facebook for Lent. I mention these two facts because I want to set the expectation of someone who sees this on Facebook and then leaves a comment and is disappointed or hurt that I didn’t respond to them. Likewise, I am blessed to have friends from a wide variety of faiths and across the political spectrum. It seems to me that comments are the modern equivalent of the Coliseum and I implore you, though you have the best intentions, please don’t fight amongst each other in the comments.

Finally, no doubt someone(s) out there is saying “Matthew 6:5, bro, don’t tell us about your fasting and prayer. Go into a closet and shut the door”. My response beyond what I have already stated above is that ultimately this is for me, this blog is my closet and my journey. 

Shoes Challenge

Eglentyne did another word challenge – this one on shoes. I posted the list over there and then she followed up with another one. Here is my response to that.

She was squatting low to the ground and taking a long drag off of a short cigarette as I approached her. Her shoes were almost comically oversized with platforms and heels that took her well over 6 feet. They completed the stripper uniform as much as the glare she shot at me.

“I am on break, man.” She sounded tired. She called herself Velvet or Satin or Silk. Some kind of material. It could have been Plaid or Corderroy for all I knew. I never care about their ghost names.

Her name was Analise Stracken. Ani to her family; my employers. She was pretty in the pictures they showed me. Not quite Hollywood pretty or even Broadway pretty, but would definitely turn your head if she walked by you on the street. Those pictures were obviously taken before the work. Her breasts belonged on a woman twice her weight and her chin had been narrowed almost to a chisel point.

I wondered who told her that was attractive. I am sorry to say that I still wanted to fuck her.

Finding her here was a relief – most of the ghosts I find are literally Ghosts. Ani dropped off the face of the world 16 months ago from Carnegie Mellon where she was studying dance. She was good enough to get in but mediocre enough to have to pay for it.

“Me too.”

I pulled out a pack of Marlboro’s myself and asked her for a light. One of the things I like about LA is that my tats help me blend in. Even the neck ones. Probably especially the neck ones but why shouldn’t they? I grew up in Chatsworth.

I am never sure why, but nothing brings people together like a shared vice. We chat for a couple of minutes and I decide that she is nice. I am glad that she’s not dead.

I can tell she likes me, too, which is always part of the job and will certainly make what’s hurt her even more. She stands up and sure enough, I am now eye level with her left boob. I decide to call it Maria.

I am about to say something else to her when the whispers start. I sit down on the ground and put my head between my knees before the nausea hits.

My Ghost is about to become a ghost.